Falling apart!

Just wish not to be lost
In your eyes again,
Just wish not to be hurt
Don’t want to feel that pain

It’s true that I’m hurt
But I don’t want you to know,
It’s true that I still care
But I don’t want it to show,

I left you, not because,
It was hard for me to stay,
I left you because I knew,
What you wanted- but didn’t say…

That you wanted me to leave
That you wanted our love to end,
That you wanted to say to me
You want to be just a friend!

But you don’t know how it feels,
Maybe you won’t understand,
It’s hard for me now to leave
And even to be just a ‘friend’,
Dying hard inside to tell you that
I never wished to fall apart,
To tell you that may be unknowingly-
But you have really broke my heart,

And today you are here asking me that
Why the hell am I crying alone?

I hope you know that somewhere
You are the reason,
So just don’t act unknown,

How can it be like, that,
You have not felt the touch,
The love and care – I feel for you,
May be I was wrong,
That I knew you better,
While the reality was that I never knew you,

Now it’s hard for me to be free from love,
And even hard to say,

Can’t even hide the tears
And can’t even say …

Less a Body, More a Soul

There is this hurricane
Inside your mind and soul,
Which you can’t deal with
And which you can’t explain…

A feeling runs through
Like blood in your veins
Telling – you will never be whole
And you will have to feel the pain…

Some facts are worth denying
Some lies are meant to be gulped
It will make you choke
For like once in a while
But will prevent – the reality
From getting blurred …

You lose your bits
Along the path
It’s true that you will never be whole…

But the ‘end you’
At the end of the journey –
Will be less a body and more a Soul …


 

Take me back …

Take me back to
the days of my life,
when I used to smile
just for ‘me’,

take me back to
that dreamy world
where no boundaries were found
and where I felt truly free,

can’t see the truth here
its all blur around,
the more I remove the fog
the more the fog surrounds,

the reflection I see today
is not so much like ‘me’
I can feel the difference between
What I am and what I pretend to be,

With the passing days I experience
Rush and emptiness at the same time,
I try to be the
‘more of myself’
everytime …

it’s me and my mind with whom
I want to be for now,
But the more I try to be ‘me’
Is when I again get lost somehow..

Surely I learnt to differentiate
The ‘fake’ and the ‘real’
To hide the scar, even when it
didn’t heal,

but all these things just don’t matter
because now I know,
that these are just ‘things’ meant not to ‘feel’-
but just to ‘show’,

really want to go back to the days
when expectations didn’t really hurt,
back to the days –
when everyday of the year
seemed to be a ‘rebirth’ !!!

‘किरमिच’ … ( ‘Canvas of Life’ )

समय कि कूंची चली है
यादों के दृश्य बिखरे है
जिंदगी के ‘किरमिच’ पर
आज कई रंग उभरे है

रंगीन कुछ
कुछ काले,
कुछ निखरे
कुछ धुन्धलाये
लेकिन सब ऐसे, जैसे
दिल खोल के जी आये

कई जज़्बात इनमे बोल रहे है
रिश्तों कि कहानियां कह रहे है
उम्र के पड़ाव इनमे झलक रहे है
हर दौर का हिसाब मांग रहे है

मेरे तब का मैं
और मेरे अब का मैं
दोनों आमने सामने है
सवाल भी मैं
और जवाब भी मैं
फिर भी उलझनें बाकी है

लगता है एक उम्र गुज़र गयी
कभी लगता है कि
अभी तो जिंदगी शुरू हुई,

या फिर कट चुकी है आधी
और बाकी है आधी,
‘चितकबरी’‘किरमिच’
टंगी हुई दीवार पर

Aah! Those days….. Memories forever

(This post is by Jeegar Modi)

Where are those days, the happiness, the joy, the sorrow, the good times and the bad times, they are stored as beautiful memories of our life.
At times it becomes just dark memories as the time passes, where there is lack of light to see them.
Those spark of light that just flashes for a moment and goes back and does not return for a long time. And those moments which don’t return again forever throughout the life time.

It is because of the busy life, people are busy making money and busy looking of temporary happiness which does not create conceit memories of our life. We look out for happiness in bigger things, than looking out for happiness in small little things which is always around us.
To achieve those bigger things of life people go mad with their life forgetting the importance of humanity. It is hard to live in such an environment.
It is also hard to forget those people in our life who have given us beautiful memories to keep it with us safely. Some memories are forgotten after a period of time, but some stay with us forever.
Those forever memories can be recalled during the hard times of life, when life is full of darkness and sorrow. Those peoples may be alive or dead but they are always alive in our memories.

At times we may have bad memories in our life which helps us to understand our difficulties and to change our self accordingly. They teach us what life is, they show us our strengths and weaknesses. They even help us to realize our mistakes and they also help us to correct it.
They transform us to a new being. But not everyone does it in such a way because they don’t make efforts to correct it or they don’t reason it out. Once they do it life takes a turn towards happiness and goodness. They transform you to a good being.
This makes you different from others. Some kill their good memories due to hate rate. But some keep them alive no matter whatever happens.

Memories of our own mistakes make us laugh at our own self, some memories makes us cry due to the previous people who where there whenever we needed them but now they are no more. They just live in our memories and our heart.
Their teachings always flashes when we make a mistake or when we are about to make a mistake, their laughter or smile flashes whenever we are sad or sorrow. We feel their presence whenever we feel lonely. These are memories which keep us alive…

From ‘Wishes’ to ‘Reality’ …

Not getting ‘words’ but
A lot to ‘speak’
Not getting ‘hurt’ still
A lot to ‘heal’
Have fear of being left ‘lonely’
But want to be ‘alone’
‘Known’ by many but
Wish to be ‘unknown’
‘Moving’ ahead every moment
But just wish to ‘stay’ forever
Wish to ‘cry’ but ‘smiling’ like
Nothing happened to me ever
Want to be ‘strong’ but
Deep ‘broken’ inside,
Want to ‘show’ feelings but
Can do nothing except to ‘hide’
Wish to be ‘real’ but
Still acting ‘fake’
Wish to ‘continue’ but
Still need a ‘break’….

बादल

दूर आसमान में बादल
मुझको मतवाला बनाता बादल
कभी दिलवाला, कभी अलबेला बादल,
‘मन मोर’ को नचाता,
कभी मदहोश कर देता बादल,

कभी अटखेलियाँ करता बादल,
कभी अकेले ही घटाओंसे लड़ता बादल,
झरोखें से मुझको देखता बादल,
कभी मेरा पीछा करता बादल,
मेरे साथ दौड़ता – खेतों खेतों लहराता बादल,
कभी साथ मेरे चलता बादल,

कितने सारे सपनों का बादल,
किसी के सोलह सिंगार का बादल,
मेरे पहले प्यार का बादल,
यादों में ले जाता बादल,

बचपन सा नन्हासा बादल,
उमड़ घुमड़ करता बादल,
आशाएं जगाता
नित नया बादल,
जीवन का विश्वास बादल,
राह नयी दिखलाता बादल,
मोक्ष हमको दिलाता बादल,
नयी सृजन का कारण बादल

Beauty of Death

A GUEST POST BY JEEGAR MODI

Death is something peaceful, it is something where there is no sorrow; there is nothing to worry, break ups, fights, arguments, loneliness, depression, frustration, stress and all the other dark things in life…

The truth is when you know that death is closer to, either you are completely destroyed from inside or you start living a life for yourself.

It really teaches you the importance of our life when it is closer to you. For some people it is very hard when they just started living a life for themselves and they come to know that the death is closer to them. Sometimes we fell how a life can be so unfair to us when we loose someone who is closer to us.
Good people die soon even though if they have not done anything bad with anyone, how hard it must be for them we can’t even imagine of it.

People are afraid of death.

I believe there is nothing on the other side of death to fear, than of the real world. I am grateful for the gifts of intelligence, love, wonder and laughter. My life time memories are what I brought from the trip. I don’t expect to die any time soon.
But it could happen even at this movement while I am writing.

I had a friend in my school days, he was too good, but yes he died!
Death had hugged him and took him away from us. He was a good person, a helpful, kind, humble, caring and a loveable friend of mine.

Death is natural and no one can predict it nor can anyone stop it.

Friends, people are afraid of death, yet it is life which is more painful.

“A death is not the extinguishing of a light, but putting out of the lamp because the dawn has come.”
“Faith” is natural. All depends on what is believed in. I have no desire to live forever. Dying is easy- it is the living that scares me to death. And this is true; life makes us think about it when we are completely shattered or completely disturbed. We all have problems in our life. We need a break whenever even a small problem becomes critical for us and we are under pressure.
I have helped many people in life till now but yet I am not able to help myself in the darkest hours of my life, it becomes very difficult for me to dissolve these things in life. These are all the things which lead my thoughts towards death…
There was a time when I could not share my difficulties with anyone but now the things are different, I have someone where I can share my feelings but unfortunately it is a non living thing it’s a ‘Diary’. It does not have a heart or a brain. There is never a feedback, but yes it makes me feel good. I have seen such people in life who die before they actually die. They are completely shattered and destroyed from inside.
Some succeed and become strong and some people wait for the death to come and hug them, most of us give up!

According to my opinion death is something very beautiful, it gives you freedom from all the responsibilities, worries, stress and all the other kind of problems in our life. Death is something where there is complete silence, peace and it makes you sleep forever. The most important thing is that there is only peace, things are completely different over there and you are free like a bird. There are no conflicts, curses, jealousy, and selfishness only beautiful peace.

In short it is peaceful world, that’s why to me death is as beautiful…

Unpredictable Life

This article is written by JEEGAR MODI a new contributor to this blog.
I welcome him on this blog, and hope that he will regularly contribute to this blog in future too.

Life is all about doing things for one another, caring for each other and standing beside’s each other during the darkest hours of life…
Life is a tricky thing it gives you lots of ups and downs, it teaches you the good and the bad, it gives you pleasure, success, failures, knowledge and learning new things everyday in life… it gives us everything in different ways.

Failures makes you weaker, depressing, breaks your heart, kills you internally and sometimes we get so tired that we give up our life due to the difficulties that we face due to these failures.
Actually it is not the failure that kills you. It is the society that kills you. That feeling of being ‘neglected’, those criticisms, that laughter on you and finally getting treated like an ‘outsider’.
And that loneliness feeling between your own groups no matter even if there are ten people around you, you give up every little thing that you have around you just to make yourself feel better.
And at last we just give up our life to run away from these stupid things, what is the use of giving our life…?
Why do we do so…?
Why do we punish our self for these things?
Maybe it is very hard to survive with these situations that you face but I would like to suggest that it is always better to survive these situations which teach you a lot of new and different things.
But I always ask a question to myself that will this life be always like this – with only problems and problems?

Even though you don’t hurt anyone, you just try to make people happy always; you always want to see your friends and your family happy.
You give up every little thing to them just to make them happy, to see them smiling, we sacrifice everything to see a smile on their face.
Is it really necessary?
Is life so unfair that you die helping them, you die making them happy, you die to see a smile in face and in return you’re just treated like an outsider.
Just because you have failed in your life they treat you like this. Just, because you are carrying that tag of failure.
Is failure so bad…?
Is it so bad that it kills you internally and there is no one to stand besides you?
Is it so bad…?
I have experienced this personally and seen these things close enough to know how bad it is.
But is there anyone out there who really can stand for such people?
Today there is a different situation in my life and I am standing first in my class, I am famous in my college and I ‘am having a great time now, but still worried what if I fail in something again?
What if my friends start treating me again the same way I was treated in my school days? Will they do something like that…? I am even today worried about that… I know the feelings of those people like me but I assure them one thing I will always be there for such people. I respect such people because they at least tried to do something, I had also experienced one thing that when people like me try to do something different or something new we always get de-motivated by others. But what I suggest is that don’t give up, just ignore them, and keep trying harder and harder to achieve what you want.
I still remember that night when I was about to give up my life, as I was fed up of this life, I don’t know I had been such a fool that day to do so. But I could not do it because I suddenly I got the thought of my Dad whom I am very much attached with.
The only thing he had taught me is that never to give up in life and his advice saved me that day.
Friends no matter what happens just don’t give up your precious life. Life is very precious.
Many beautiful things come our way which we realize later, actually after shedding this thought of destroying our life.
Today my life is different from before. I agree that hard times will keep coming but just don’t lose your hope.
Believe in yourself, have faith in yourself that you can do what you want to be.
I have experienced both the Failure and the success. The only thing success makes you greedy, selfish.
It brings that feeling like of being above the people and something of a different planet, but I am sure all this will not come in me because I have learned how it is to be when you failed and tagged as a ‘failure’.
Friends, at last I would request you not to lose ‘hope’, ‘Hope’ is everything. It is ‘Life’.

If there are too many problems in your life then just say yourself that let the problems come I will face them with courage. I am sure you will definitely succeed one day.
One day you will shine as bright as a star, your life will be as colorful as a rainbow.
So, just don’t give up, be strong and most important thing learn to become a good human being. Keep smiling – life is beautiful… Life is too short for crying and worrying so always learn to smile in any situation… All the best… 

Life is here …!!!

Not at all alone
Not at all Sad
Happy with my closed ones,
Near and Dear

Not at all worried,
Not any kind of fear
Feel with your Heart
The ‘Happiness’ is here

A blink in the eyes,
A wish to fly,
A belief of reaching,
The Heights Superior

Unfold the mystery,
Make a History
Live it each moment,
The ‘Life is Here’

A Smile on lips,
The comfort in care
Feel the pain in
A little drop of Tear

Spread your Affection,
Spread a wave of Care
Listen, your soul says,
The ‘Love’ is here

The Calmness in Wind,
The Tenderness of Leaves,
A beautiful Touch,
The Nature wears

Let there be Humanity,
Let the Life be full of Love,
Look the Nature says,
The ‘Heaven’ is Here’